Baby on Board!

Well, it finally happened!! I'm pregnant!! I can't hardly believe it yet. I actually found out almost two weeks ago, but I just havn't felt like writing yet. I don't really feel pregnant, except for my breasts are really tender and I get tired more easily. There are a few random symptoms like occasional moodiness. I've learned to be careful of what I read. The other day I started reading an article about someone who was developing a hospice system for terminally ill babies. I just about totally started bawling. My sudden emotions rather took my by surprise. So, let me list all my symptoms.
1. no period (surprise surprise! *giggle*) it's rather wierd not having one.
2. sore breasts, I think they're grown a bit too, but I guess at least my bras fit again. I'd lost weight and hadn't gotton new ones yet.
3. car sickness. This was one of the very early ones. I very very very seldom feel sick in the car, but we were driving back from Portland and I was reading one of my cookbooks to put a menu together and I really felt nauseus.
4. Tiredness, yes, I seem to run out of steam more easily, but I'm hoping I can compensate by making sure to get a full 8-9 hours of sleep a night.
5. Super Smell! I smell everything, good and bad. Everything seems to smell stronger than it did before.
6. sudden hunger attacks. I suddenly get very ravenous and could eat just about everything in site. fortunantly thus far, I havn't gained any weight from it.

well.. I'm tired now.. bye..

updates on life

I havn't posted anything here in awhile, so I thought I should write some updates.

I am still not expecting yet, but for the first time I do truely feel positive that we will get pregnant. I'm not a big fan of taking medicine and some of the side effects of some of the fertility drugs sound less than pleasant. Thus, my dear hubby and I have decided to try accupunture. I think i've been going for about 3 weeks now. It seems rather strange, that a person who doesn't get her flu shot because she doesn't like needles would try accupuncture and become like a human pincushion. Surprisingly it usually doesn't hurt. Every now and then some spots will be tender, but that is a rarity. I think thus far it seems to be working. I feel less tense and generally more energetic. The first half of my cycle is longer than it has been in awhile. so I feel positive about things.

At church on Wednesdays we've started a program about couples of faith. We do a kind of interview format of some people in the church who have been married for a long time and find out what has helped them stay married and how they made it through the tough times. Last night was our first couple. We really enjoyed it. It was amazing to see how much the husband still loves his wife after 42 years. He talked about how his goal was to love his wife as Christ loved the church. I felt greatly encouraged.

that's all for now. I have more thoughts, but i'm nto sure I want to verbalize them yet and I'm tired of typing. bye bye..

Insanity

I havn't posted anything lately about getting pregnant or not getting pregnant as the problem seems to be. I am still not pregnant. It's been 19 months, 24 cycles. I guess if anything I'm persistant. I'm beginning to feel like I must be going insane. I've heard it said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results. Every month the disappointment grows, the frustration grows. This year, November and December were especially hard because I thought it would be really to be able to announce that Jed and I were expecting a baby at christmas or at thanksgiving when I'd actually see people in person instead of having to share over the phone. I turned 30 this year, i'd hoped to have at least one child already and maybe another on the way. I don't know why I keep trying and hoping every month. Jed just thinks i'm obsessing about if talk about it or let my emotions out. As a result, I usually try to keep everything wrapped up until I just can't contain it, then it overflows or explodes out, usually at inopportune times.

Lately I've felt old and grown up. Before, i've always felt more young and playful, not neccessarily grown up. but now, I suddenly feel like i've joined the ranks of adults. childhood is full of hopes and dreams. Up till now I think i've maintained that feeling that life is an adventure waiting to happen, an adventure where dreams do come true. I think that running full force into the realization that maybe dreams don't come true is very ageing and sobering. Anyways, that's all I have to say for now.

Hood, a disapointing book

I just finished reading the book Hood by Stephan Lawhead. The book started out good, but I was not happy with the ending (Spoiler Alert). The book is basically a Robin Hood type story, set in a bit different location and time. That didn't bother me. The Names of the characters were similar, but changed to Welsh variations. The end stinks because Merian is last seen taken hostage by Bran ( the robin hood) and riding away tied to her horse. She knew Bran and had been in love with him at the beginning of the book, but had thought him dead. She needed to at least decide to go with him Willingly instead of tied to her horse so she couldn't escape.

Secondly, What kind of ending is it where you give money to a monestary asking them to pray that you'll be able to reclaim your rightful lands from the usurpers??? At least they could have left it set up for a sequel.

Towards the end all their plans have failed and their seemly last resort is too easy. Talk to Baron Neufmarche and see if he will rescue the land and let Bran swear fealty to him and let him rule. This is totally giving up.. basically the thought is "Since I don't see any way to get my kindom back myself, i'm going to see if someone else can get it for me and then let me rule under them" And then the person really just really wants to rule all by himself so he tries to kill Bran. and then Bran escapes and the book ends with sending the money to the monestary and asking them to have a mass for the land everday. I am disappointed.

A New Vacuum Cleaner

I am getting a new vacuum cleaner. I ordered it Friday. I have it set to be picked up in Montana. My dad is coming down for christmas and he will bring it with him. i saved $15 on sales taxs hahahahaha. Today I have vacuum cleaner fantasies. Before I explain my fantasies, please realise i'm not really a clean freak. I don't vacuum every day. usually once a week if I'm lucky, and that has been less lately because of the horrible racket my existing vacuum makes. So, that said, on to my fantasy. So my new vacuum is a Kenmore Progressive with Direct Drive. It doesn't have any belts to change, but it does have a bag. they had a bagless model, but the consumer reports testing showed that bagged vacuums sucked more. (hahaha.. Vacuums are supposed to suck and the suckier the better!!!) My new vacuum has a little light on it that turns green when the carpet is clean. I'm guessing it's a sensor that detects not neccessarily if the carpet is truely clean, but just when the vacuum isn't sucking anymore dirt up. I just know my carpets are dirty. so I'm fantazing about the little light turning green. The vacuum is also relativly quiet, we tested it out at the Sears store. I'm hoping it will also work well on my tile floors. I'm really bad about sweeping and mopping, but maybe with the new vacuum, at least the sweeping will be better.

The previous owners of our house had dogs and I think there is still Dog hair in the carpet. i'm sure this new vacuum will suck it all up. It makes feel happy and excited. and Dad isn't coming till next Saturday, so I have to wait a whole week before I will get my new vacuum. Am I odd to be so excited about a vacuum?? oh well.. does it matter?

Baby Fishies

This is probably old news, but I don't think I wrote about it. Earlier I wrote about the new fishies we got. 3 of them were guppies. One of the Guppies had little Baby guppies. One of the cool things about guppies is that they are what is called live-bearers which means that instead of laying eggs like most other fish, they have live babies that swim around and stuff. So now we have about 5 or 6 little tiny baby guppies swimming around in our tank. If there were more, they probably got eaten by the other fish. but i'm happy with 5 or 6. This probably sounds really stupid, but at moments I feel happy, like pregnant fish are good vibes for me getting pregnant. At other times, I feel kinda jealous because it seems everyone but me is getting pregnant. Today I will focus on the positive and rejoice in the fact that my guppies had babies. They are really cute and so teeny tiny, but they are getting bigger every day. I have to make sure to remember to feed my fish so the bit ones don't decide to snack on the babies.

Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him, you would even say it glows.

During the Christmas season the air abounds with the joyful melodies of many festive songs. One song that is familiar to many people is Rudolf the red nosed reindeer. As I was cleaning our house after putting up christmas decorations I found this song going through my head and I began to think about it. Why do we like this story about a silly reindeer with a shiny red nose?

All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names.
They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games.

Poor Rudolf is a misfit. His bright red nose has seemingly doomed him to a living a life as an outcast. No one wants to play with him, and they even call him names. I think most people feel like this at some point in their lives. We have something about us that makes other people reject us. Maybe we feel rejected because we are fat, or we stutter, or we are prone to use big words that no one else knows. We can all relate to Rudolf who will probably live out his life being rejected. Fortunately, Rudolf's story does not end here. A surprising turn of events happens.

Then one foggy Christmas Eve Santa came to say:

"Rudolph with your nose so bright,

won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"

The little reindeer with the defective nose goes on to give us hope. Santa needs him to get the gifts delivered. In an instant, he becomes a hero and basically saves Christmas. What others saw as a defect, was, in fact, a gift that made him extremely qualified and capable of of doing something that no one else could do. How exciting is it to go from being an outcast to being a hero that everyone loves and celebrates? Doesn't everyone hope that somehow, someday, they can be a hero and have everyone love and celebrate them? Don't we hope that somehow we will have a purpose and a happy ending?

Then all the reindeer loved him as they shouted out with glee,

Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, you'll go down in history!

This Christmas, lets look at those around with different eyes. Let us look past what may seem to be a defect and instead find the gift. Let us also look at ourselves and instead of focusing on what may seem to make us unlovable and unwanted, focus on how that can make us uniquely gifted and able to do things that others can't. While we may not become a hero to the entire world, our "defect" may make us able to be a "hero" to someone.